Sure, once upon a time back when the internet was steam powered, ISCA BBS was a thriving and vibrant community. But, alas, those days are long gone and most the former denizens packed up their belongings and shipped out to the greener pastures of AIM and the web. Still, there are remnants left of the once great civilization, and today I, CyberBlazer, present to you:

The remaining ISCA users.

1) THE ANTI-SOCIAL. This user hates people, or at the bare minimum is utterly lacking in an social graces. No fun at parties, in classes, at work, anywhere. Just a miserable person to be around. Stays on ISCA because he thinks it's real and can point to it as an example of being part of a group and not being a total misanthrope. Then he returns to cleaning his guns.

2) THE HORNY. This user is typically assumed to be a 12 year old boy, trying to chat up internet women for "cybersex". But get serious - all 12 year old boys on the internet are either downloading actual -photographic- porn or are chatting up tarts on AIM. Hence, the HORNY user is all but exclusively a male in his late 20s, usually lacking in the social graces.

3) THE MORBIDLY OBESE. This user is one of gargantuan proportions. They stay on ISCA due to the abundance of other fat users that are sympathetic. Universally, they are not fat due to their own bad choices, but due to genetics or as a result of actually being so muscular underneath. They are always in exceptionally good shape, except for a "little" extra weight. Frequently talks to the HORNY.

4) THE ASSHOLE. This user is here just to piss people off. They can't piss people off in public, since they'd get their asses kicked. AIM and the like only allow them to piss off a few people at a time, and the web is too slow. So they sit here and make themselves feel big by reciting shakespeare and correcting grammar.

5) THE BORED. This user only stays around out of force of habit. Usually works with computers. After all real work is done, and all websites checked, and all newsgroups read, and such, opens up an ISCA window in the background just to "pass the time".

6) THE GUEST. This user logs in after a friend (usually one of the MORBIDLY OBESE) repeatedly badgers them to for weeks on end. They log in less than 20 times, poke around a little, get bored, and never return. Tends to be immediately assaulted by the HORNY and despite their short stay can always identify the ASSHOLE.

7) THE FATHER FIGURE. Though the BBS' average age has been climbing rapidly, there are still users older than average, by a wide margin. THE FATHER FIGURE (though she may be female) takes it upon himself to impart his wisdom to the "youth" on the BBS. In standard procedure, he is under the false assumption that he will seem wise and worldly, and further that the young people on the BBS are hip and trendy. Frequently mistaken for the ASSHOLE.

8) THE POWER MAD. This user has no leadership skills, lacks major intelligence, and cannot grasp simple problem solving and decision making skills. Yet, they crave power, so they have identified this itty bitty portion of the internet as a location within with they can acquire it, by moving up through the "power" ranks (FM, Sysop, etc.) and thereby demonstrating their superiority. Popular course of action for the ASSHOLE.
Comfortably Anonymous
12/28/2004 8:57:45 PM
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