Teenaged girls turned into statues!

(A REALLY WEIRD post from Slashdot)

We need a new AIBO feature

A FEATURE THAT TURNS GIRLS TO STONE!!!!!!!

Dear Slashdot:

This is what we need more than anything.

Please write to Sony and DEMAND that the next model of AIBO be fully able to transform cute teenage girls into cute teenage statues!!!

Let's imagine a sexy 17-year-old girl. Let's call her Sarah. Thanks to the new AIBO, we can have all KINDS of fun now.

It's Christmas morning.

Sarah is wearing this really sexy little pink silk dress.

She opens up a gift.... it's an AIBO!!

"Hooray!!" She's so happy. She plays with her new pet.

And then I, hiding outside, push the button on the special petrification remote control. Sarah looks down at the dog, smiling, and before she knows what happened, the dog zaps her with the on-board petrification ray and she hardens into a pretty little marble statue.

Then I go inside and feel her up a little bit, and take her and the dog back to my place, where they will be my two best friends.

Then I pet the AIBO, and say "Good dog!!!"

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING

A.C.
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Ha ha, he said "statue."

I bet he'd just LOVE to turn NATALIE PORTMAN into a statue, and have his way with her marble body!!!

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Can Dark Matter turn girls to stone?

I wonder, is there possibly a way of turning girls to stone here? I'm not really up on the latest science, but please, fill me in. I need to find a way to transform some cute teenage girls into statues, so I'm asking if Dark Matter might be able to help me. Please help. I'm lonely. I need statues.

Tell me all about dark matter and how it might be useful for turning girls to stone.

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*** A VERY IMPORTANT POLL FOR SLASHDOT ***

This is to everyone in the Slashdot community. Please respond.

If you could transform any 50 cute teenage girls into statues, what 50 cute teenage girls would you choose? What type of stone substance would you transform them into? Would they be wearing clothing? What sort of pose would they be in? What kind of facial expressions would they have? Would you keep them petrified indefinately, or would it be a temporary job, or would it be part-time?

PLEASE USE AS MUCH DETAIL AS POSSIBLE

THANKS,

A.C.

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HELLO FRIENDS:

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME

PLEASE WRITE A VIRUS PROGRAM FOR ME SO THAT I CAN SEND IT TO CUTE GIRLS, AND WHEN IT IS RUN ON THEIR COMPUTES IT WILL TRANSFORM THEM INTO STATUES THROUGH THE MAGIC OF PROGRAMMING TECHNOLOGY!!!

PLEASE MAKE IT SO IT RUNS ON LINUX AND WINDOWS BECAUSE THE GIRLS WHO USE LINUX AND WINDOES ARE THE **CUTEST**!!!!!!!!!! THERE'S NO NEED FOR IT TO RUN ON BSD BECAUSE ***NO*** CUTE TEENAGE GIRL USES BSD!!! OR MACINTOSH!!!

REALLY ALL I WANT IS THE PROGRAM TO TURN THE TEENAGE GIRLS TO STONE, SO LIKE IF I'M TALKING TO A HOT GIRL ON IRC, I CAN JUST PUSH SOME BUTTONS AND SHE'LL BE TURNED TO STONE IN REAL LIFE!!!

PLEASE HELP ME DO THIS!!!!!!!

Thanks,

A.C.

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GATHER ROUND, FRIENDS.

IN THE YEAR 2000, LET'S ROUND UP MILLIONS OF CUTE TEENAGE GIRLS, ASK THEM POLITELY TO REMOVE THEIR CLOTHING, AND THEN ONCE THEY'VE DONE SO, HAVE THEM STAND ON PEDESTALS AND USE EITHER MAGIC OR SCIENCE (WHICHEVER YOU PREFER) TO TRANSFORM THEM INTO STATUES!!! I *LOVE* STATUES!! I LOVE TEENAGE GIRLS WHO HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED INTO STATUES!!!

WHO'S WITH ME ON THIS. LET'S GET IT ON.

WE'LL LET Y2K BE THE YEAR THAT A BUNCH OF TEENAGE GIRLS GET TURNED TO STONE. THEN THE 21ST CENTURY WILL BEGIN, AND IT'LL BE KNOWN AS THE CENTURY OF THE PETRIFIED TEENAGE GIRLS.

WE WILL ALL GATHER ROUND AND LOOK AT THE TEENAGE GIRLS WHILE WE.... Y'KNOW. Y'KNOW. NUDGE NUDGE, NUDGE NUDGE, KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

***** ALMOST THE YEAR 2000, IT WILL BE THE LAST YEAR WE HAVE TO TURN GIRLS TO STONE BEFORE THE 21ST CENTURY BEGINS LET'S NOT SQUANDER IT *****

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Dear Slashdot:

I really really really need a way to transform cute, naked teenage girls into cute, naked teenage st-one girls. But, I'm having a bit of trouble actually making it happen. So I need help, from y'all, the best and brightest of the Unternet. I mean, Internet. Sorry.

Anyway, this "Redhat Software," with all this stuff they're buying up.... is there any way they might be able to help me turn hot young girls into hot young stat-ues that I can use for purposes of sexual gratification? If you can think of ANYTHING, please help me out here.

If anyone can provide me with an effective method of transforming teenage girls into stat-ues, in such a way that the girls remain conscious, and the condition is easily reversible, OR even provide me a good lead to such a method, I will provide him or her with a large sum of money.

Also, I am looking for cute teenage girls to volunteer to be stat-ues. This will pay moderate sums of money also. I would prefer if you were willing to be nude, however we can reach a compromise, I'm sure. Swimsuits would work for me. As long as you're st-one. TEENAGE GIRLS PLEASE RESOND TO THIS IS INTERESTED.

IF ANYONE KNOWS HOW TO TURN TEENAGE GIRLS TO STONE PLEASE RESPOND TO THIS!!!


Regards,

A.C.

p.s. This is *URRRRRGENT*

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Someday, as soon as I can figure out how, I'm going to turn a WHOLE BUNCH of cute teenage girls to stone. Then I'll have a WHOLE BUNCH of cute teenage statues. They will be my
friends. They will be my companions. I will talk to them, and hug them, and love them, and be their friends, and watch television with them, and touch them in ways that will make them happy. I will live with them in a little cabin in the woods away from civilization. Just me and my petrified girls. We will be together for all the rest of my life.

K?

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I ENJOY FINDING TEENAGE GIRLS, PULLING DOWN THEIR PANTS, TURNING THEM (THE GIRLS, NOT THE PANTS) TO *STONE*, AND THEN TOUCHING THE PETRIFIED BUTTOCKS!!!

I ENJOY FINDING TEENAGE GIRLS, PULLING DOWN THEIR PANTS, TURNING THEM (THE GIRLS, NOT THE PANTS) TO *STONE*, AND THEN TOUCHING THE PETRIFIED BUTTOCKS!!!

I ENJOY FINDING TEENAGE GIRLS, PULLING DOWN THEIR PANTS, TURNING THEM (THE GIRLS, NOT THE PANTS) TO *STONE*, AND THEN TOUCHING THE PETRIFIED BUTTOCKS!!!

I ENJOY FINDING TEENAGE GIRLS, PULLING DOWN THEIR PANTS, TURNING THEM (THE GIRLS, NOT THE PANTS) TO *STONE*, AND THEN TOUCHING THE PETRIFIED BUTTOCKS!!!

I WOULD ENJOY FEEDBACK ON THIS, AS I'D LIKE TO IMPROVE MY TECHNIQUE. PLEASE POST YOUR THOUGHTS ON PETRIFYING TEENAGE GIRLS. IF YOU HAVE ANY TIPS ON THE SUBJECT, PLEASE SHARE THEM. HOW OFTEN DO YOU TURN TEENAGE GIRLS TO STONE? WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON IT? COMMENTS PLEASE!!!!

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DEAR SLASHDOT:

WHAT I WOULD REALLY LOVE WOULD BE TO FIND A PLANET WHERE THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE US, AND THIS PLANET HAS A LOT OF CUTE TEENAGE GIRLS, AND THE PLANET IS REALLY HOT SO THEY RUN AROUND IN SWIMSUITS, AND IT'S REALLY REALLY SEXY.

ANYWAY, ON THIS PLANET, THEY DON'T LET THEIR CUTE TEENAGE GIRLS GROW OLD AND DIE LIKE WE DO ON OURS. THEY TREAT THEIR TEENAGE GIRLS RIGHT. THEY USE MAGIC ALIEN TECHNOLOGY DEVICES TO TRANSFORM THE NAKED TEENAGE GIRLS INTO STATUES, THEN THEY KEEP THE STATUES, AND WORSHIP THEM, AND LOOK AT THEM AND STUFF, AND MASTERBATE WHILE LOOKING AT THE STATUES OF THE PETRIFIED GIRLS!!!

AND THE PETRIFIED GIRLS ARE *VERY HAPPY* AND THEY ARE HAPPIER THAN THEY WERE WHEN THEY WERE ANIMATE, AND THEY ARE SEXY AND NAKED AND STONE AND TEENAGED FOREVER!!!

PLEASE PROVIDE FEEDBACK FOR THIS

HERE IS MY IDEA: WE BUILD A LARGE ROCKET-SHIP AND USE IT TO TRAVEL TO THIS PLANET. WE TAKE WITH US THE FOLLOWING CUTE TEENAGE GIRLS:

-LACEY CHABERT
-NATALIE PORTMAN
-JESSICA ALBA
-THE OLSEN TWINS HA HA JUST KIDDING
-MAE LING MAK OKAY SHE'S NOT A TEENAGER BUT WE CAN PRETEND
-ALL THE CUTE TEENAGE GIRLS WHOSE NAMES I CAN'T REMEBER

WE TAKE THEM TO THIS PLANET AND THEY GET TURNED TO STONE BY THE ALIENS ON THE PLANET!!! AND THEN WE CAN TOUCH THEIR ASSES AND STUFF.


PLEASE HELP ME TO DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL ME HOW TO GET TO THIS PLANET!!!!!! PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO BUILD A ROCKET-SHIP SO THAT I CAN TAKE THE GIRLS TO THE PLANET!!!!!!
PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO GET THE GIRLS ONTO THE ROCKET-SHIP!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO SPEAK THE ALIEN LANGUAGE AND HOW TO TALK TO THEM AND STUFF!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE HELP ME WITH DETAILS OF THIS PLAN I MIGHT NOT HAVE THOUGHT OF!!!! WE ALL HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER IF THIS IS GOING TO WORK!!!!

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GATHER ROUND, FRIENDS.

I KNOW THERE ARE PLENTY OF CUTE GIRLS IN AUSTRALIA. I'D LIKE TO TURN THEM ALL TO STONE. LET'S ALSO PETRIFY SOME KANGAROOS ALSO. THAT'D BE KINDA SEXY!!!

*** LET'S GET IT ON ***

*HOORAY FOR PETRIFIED GIRLS*

WE WILL TURN EVERY CUTE TEENAGE GIRL IN AUSTRALIA TO STONE, THEN THEY WILL TRULY BE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

IN THE YEAR 2000, LET'S ROUND UP MILLIONS OF CUTE TEENAGE GIRLS, ASK THEM POLITELY TO REMOVE THEIR CLOTHING, AND THEN ONCE THEY'VE DONE SO, HAVE THEM STAND ON PEDESTALS AND USE EITHER MAGIC OR SCIENCE (WHICHEVER YOU PREFER) TO TRANSFORM THEM INTO STATUES!!! I *LOVE* STATUES!! I LOVE TEENAGE GIRLS WHO HAVE BEEN TRANSFORMED INTO STATUES!!!

WHO'S WITH ME ON THIS. LET'S GET IT ON.

WE'LL LET Y2K BE THE YEAR THAT A BUNCH OF TEENAGE GIRLS GET TURNED TO STONE. THEN THE 21ST CENTURY WILL BEGIN, AND IT'LL BE KNOWN AS THE CENTURY OF THE PETRIFIED TEENAGE GIRLS.

WE WILL ALL GATHER ROUND AND LOOK AT THE TEENAGE GIRLS WHILE WE.... Y'KNOW. Y'KNOW. NUDGE NUDGE, NUDGE NUDGE, KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

***** ALMOST THE YEAR 2000, IT WILL BE THE LAST YEAR WE HAVE TO TURN GIRLS TO STONE BEFORE THE 21ST CENTURY BEGINS LET'S NOT SQUANDER IT *****

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I REALLY REALLY WANT TO REMOVE NATALIE PORTMAN'S PANTS, TOUCH HER BUTTOCKS, AND TRANSFORM HER INTO A STONE STATUE, THEN I WILL HAVE A PETRIFIED AND NAKED NATALIE PORTMAN, WITH A BUTT THAT I CAN TOUCH ANYTIME I WANT!!!!

PLESE HELP ME TO DO THIS!!!!!

I REALLY REALLY WANT TO REMOVE NATALIE PORTMAN'S PANTS, TOUCH HER BUTTOCKS, AND TRANSFORM HER INTO A STONE STATUE, THEN I WILL HAVE A PETRIFIED AND NAKED NATALIE PORTMAN, WITH A BUTT THAT I CAN TOUCH ANYTIME I WANT!!!!

PLESE HELP ME TO DO THIS!!!!!

I REALLY REALLY WANT TO REMOVE NATALIE PORTMAN'S PANTS, TOUCH HER BUTTOCKS, AND TRANSFORM HER INTO A STONE STATUE, THEN I WILL HAVE A PETRIFIED AND NAKED NATALIE PORTMAN, WITH A BUTT THAT I CAN TOUCH ANYTIME I WANT!!!!

PLESE HELP ME TO DO THIS!!!!!

I REALLY REALLY WANT TO REMOVE NATALIE PORTMAN'S PANTS, TOUCH HER BUTTOCKS, AND TRANSFORM HER INTO A STONE STATUE, THEN I WILL HAVE A PETRIFIED AND NAKED NATALIE PORTMAN, WITH A BUTT THAT I CAN TOUCH ANYTIME I WANT!!!!

PLESE HELP ME TO DO THIS!!!!!

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DEAR DEBIAN:

IF YOU COULD TRANSFORM ANY 50 HOT YOUNG WOMEN INTO STATUES, WHAT 50 HOT YOUNG WOMEN WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

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