HOWTO: Go Outside

Face it, you're gonna have to go outside eventually.  Sure, Amazon.com will deliver right to your door and now even Taco Bell does deliveries, but, mark my words:  some day you're going to HAVE to push away from the computer and go . . . OUTSIDE  (Queue evil laugh 'Muahahahahaha!')

Here's a guide:

*  Wear Pants - Countless attempts to better oneself have been cut tragically short by leaving the house without proper attire.

*  Use Your Real Name - Sorry, but nobody will be impressed if you go by the name "2HOT4U", "Monarch" or "SATAN666." Names like "Steve" or "Greg" are just fine.

*  The Telephone is Your Friend - Hear that ringing sound? Pick up the phone.  Now speak into it.

*  If Your Car Crashes, You Cannot Simply Reboot It.

*  Do Not Be Surprised That Nobody Looks Like Gillian Anderson.

*  Do Not Flame People - Comparing everyone you disagree with to unclean primates will not win you friends.  In fact, you may get into a physical fight.  If so, the next tip may be of help.

*  That Red Stuff is Called Blood - Not to be confused with ketchup, blood is what keeps you alive.  If you are leaking, the real world offers human tech support in the form of doctors and hospitals.
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