HOWTO: Go Outside
Face it, you're gonna have to go outside eventually. Sure, Amazon.com will deliver right to your door and now even Taco Bell does deliveries, but, mark my words: some day you're going to HAVE to push away from the computer and go . . . OUTSIDE (Queue evil laugh 'Muahahahahaha!')
Here's a guide:
* Wear Pants - Countless attempts to better oneself have been cut tragically short by leaving the house without proper attire.
* Use Your Real Name - Sorry, but nobody will be impressed if you go by the name "2HOT4U", "Monarch" or "SATAN666." Names like "Steve" or "Greg" are just fine.
* The Telephone is Your Friend - Hear that ringing sound? Pick up the phone. Now speak into it.
* If Your Car Crashes, You Cannot Simply Reboot It.
* Do Not Be Surprised That Nobody Looks Like Gillian Anderson.
* Do Not Flame People - Comparing everyone you disagree with to unclean primates will not win you friends. In fact, you may get into a physical fight. If so, the next tip may be of help.
* That Red Stuff is Called Blood - Not to be confused with ketchup, blood is what keeps you alive. If you are leaking, the real world offers human tech support in the form of doctors and hospitals.
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