You've talked to me several times, telling me how I should get my life together and go to church and things will get better for me.

 

You've got all those decorative religious signs in your garden "Jesus Saves", "God Loves You", I've really been thinking about what you've said about getting my life together the past few times we've talked. I've come to understand that you have been such a kind Christian woman, letting me take 10 gallons of water a day (2 trips carrying a single 5 gallon plastic bucket.), so that me, my common law wife, and my son, will have water to drink, and we can have at least sponge baths before we go to bed each night.

 

We really appreciate your generosity. Seeing someone like yourself, being so selfless to help those in need, makes me want to start going to church with you, as you've asked so many times. I will not take any more of your water, I didn't know you had any problem. You should have told me when you talked to me on the sidewalk on Saturday morning. I would have been happy to pay you for the water.

 

At current residential prices, for 6 months of water, at 10 gallons a day for approx 30 days a month, is about 1800 gallons total. As they put their rates most bizaarely at $255.95 per 92,000 gallons. So, we're gonna have to do some math here. Try and follow along, I know it can be confusing at times.

 

If 92,000 gallons costs $255.95, then how much does 1800 gallons of water cost? Not quite $3. I think I can get that much by taking the cans from your recycle bin on trash night, and will gladly pay you the $3, heck, I'll even double it to $6, now you're making a profit!!

 

I'm not sure why your bill was $400 a month, but it wasn't me.

 

I will pay you the money, and then I would like to go to church.