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Baby Jokes

Q: Why couldn't the baby turn around in the hall?
A: Because it had a javelin stuck through its head.

Q: What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
A: Ripping it back off.

Q: What's more fun than spinning a baby on a clothesline at 100MPH?
A: Stopping it with a cricket bat (thwok)

Q: What's red and goes around and around?
A: A baby in a garbage disposal!

Q: What's the difference between a jar of afterbirth and a jar of sand?
A: You can't gargle sand.

Q: How do you get 5 babies in a shoebox?
A: With a cuisinart!

Q: Why should you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: To see the expression on its face.

Q: What is blue and gooey and crawls up a womanUs leg?
A: A homesick abortion.

Q: What's red and white, and goes at speeds up to 40MPH?
A: A baby in a blender.

Q: What's pink and spits?
A: A baby in a frying pan.

Q: What's red and screams
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
A: A peeled baby dipped in brine.

Q: What's easier to load on a truck: babies or bricks?
A: Babies... you can use a pitchfork!

Q: What's worse than one baby in a trash can?
A: One baby in three trash cans?
Q: What's worse than that?
A: Three trash cans in one baby.

Q: What is bright blue, pink, and sizzles.
A: A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.

Q: What is blue and yellow lies at the bottom of a pool?
A: A baby with slashed floaties.

Q: What is pink and red and silver and bumps into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.

Q: What is pink and red and gurgles?
A: A baby munching on razor blades.

Q: What's blue and sits in a corner?
A: A baby with a plastic bag over its head!

Q: What is brown, bubbly and scratches at the window?
A: A baby in a microwave.

Q: What is red and has a million holes in it?
A: A baby on a bed of nails.

Q: What is pink and red and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing its hair with a potato peeler.

Q: What is pink and green?
A: The same baby six weeks later. (applies to the last few)

Q: WhatUs gross?
A: A dead baby.
Q: WhatUs grosser?
A: A whole truckload of dead babies.
Q: WhatUs even grosser?
A: A live baby struggling for air amid the stench of decay at the bottom.
Q: WhatUs grosser still?
A: The live baby eating its way out.
Q: What is the grossest of all?
A: The same baby coming back for more.

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