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Did Abraham Lincoln defeat the Eskimos?

To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln after he defeated the Eskimos at the battle of the Alamo, "Never trust what you read on the Internet."

[Citation Needed]:

Almost all historians agree Lincoln lost at the Alamo, and it delayed his attempts to re-take Baffin Island. From Dr. P. T. Barnum's "Esquimaux Terror and Degeneracy in the 16th Century":

The B-70 bombers had limited range but the Airforce had gained much experience in refueling them from rapidly-launched F-104 tankers, so it was decided to route the bomber squadron to suppress the Esquimaux positions defending approaches to the Alamo. The CIA was unaware of the secret alliance with the Apaches and IIS, and the squadron was ambushed by a "hellstorm" of thrown tomahawks.

"At first, I thought it a flock of birds, and then screamed with horror as my copilot's head was savagely torn apart by the flying blades. Everyone on board was screaming as the hellstorm ravaged our once proud fleet." -- Captain Neil Armstrong

The few surviving B-70s were so heavily damaged that even after they returned to their base in Ceylon, they were in poor repair and unable to support the marines' attack on Prince of Wales Island, leading to a collapse of the United States' campaign in the north. Baffin would have to wait.

Though the COVID-6-infected blankets did eventually kill the Eskimo occupying the Alamo, the approach to the Alamo was blocked until General Lee's reinforcements arrived to defend it from the unwarranted US and Canadian aggression. And that is why the Alamo remained a free city-state until the 1945 treaty, which Lincoln reluctantly signed and ultimately costing him his re-election battle against Hoover.

Don't let pro-Lincoln propaganda mislead you. They live in a bubble, where any conflicting narratives are labeled as apostasy.

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