Sen. Graham (R. of S. Carolina): We are here holding this hearing to hear evidence of transsexuals taking over America. Our witness is Dr. Hoo Me of NiH.

Sen. Blackburn (R. of Tenn.): Okay, Dr. Hoo, what can you tell us about the homosexuals taking over America?

Dr. Hoo: Uh. I thought we were discussing transsexuals.

Sen. Blackburn: Aren’t all these sexuals the same?

Dr. Hoo: No, not really. When one’s preferred gender does not match their biological “equipment”, we call them transsexuals.

Sen. Blackburn: Can’t they just look in their pants and figure it out?

Dr. Hoo (with a wry smile): Your brains are in your pants?

Sen. Blackburn: What?

Sen. Cruz (R. of Texas): I thought WE wanted to look in their pants?

Sen. Rick Scott (R. of Florida): I think we should get to look in their pants.

Sen. Josh Hawley (R. of Missouri): What is Sen. Blackburn trying to hide? We should check her pants.

Sen. Graham: Stop it, Stop it, STOP IT!! No one is looking in anyone’s pants.

Sen. Blackburn (very annoyed): Keep your eyes out of my pants, Sen. Hawley. Please answer the question Dr. Hoo.

Dr. Hoo (resuming his professional demeanor): I guess at a certain level of generality, all sexuals are the same. Take you for instance, I take it you are heterosexual, yes?

Sen. Blackburn: HOW DARE YOU? Accusing ME of being a heterosexuai!!!

Dr. Hoo (even more professionally): It simply means you are attracted to what you consider an opposite sex.

Sen. Blackburn: I’ll have you know I am happily married and have never been attracted to someone of an “opposite” sex!!.

Sen. Cornyn (R. of Texas): DamnI have been sitting next to her for years in this committee and had no idea. Dr. Hoo, can it rub off?

Dr. Hoo (realizing with whom he is dealing): Oh fer sure, fer sure!! You are probably a heterosexual now that you have spent so much time near Sen. Blackburn.

Sen. Cruz: Can it happen in other instances?

Dr. Hoo (smirking): Well, there is one other I know of, but it would be better if you didn’t know.

Sen. Cruz: I demand you tell us!!

Dr. Hoo: Well, if you insist. If you ever go to a men’s room and use a urinal with men at the urinals on either side of you, that can turn you into a transsexual.

Sen. Graham: Uh-oh. I stood between Sen. Cruz and Sen. Cornyn at the urinals this morning Dr. do you think I have it?

Dr. Hoo (smiling viciously) : It is a distinct possibility.

Sen. Graham (now turning a delicate shade of green): Dr. Hoo, is there a cure?

Dr. Hoo (chuckling, but in a good-natured manner): There is only one cure. Stand in a barrel of eel eyes during a full moon at midnight. Sure fire way to cure you.

Sen. Blackburn (now achieving the Red Phase of Ticked Off): Sen. Cornyn, I did NOT make you a heterosexual. We are getting off topic. Dr. Hoo, does a woman have to worry about turning into, what did you call’em, a transsexual?

Dr. Hoo (now with big radiant smile): I’m glad you asked me that. There is one way I know of. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Sen. Blackburn: I’m married with children!

Dr. Hoo: Yes, but have you ever had sex with a man?

Sen. Blackburn: How else would I get them?

Dr. Hoo (Smiling with a more radiant smile is impossible, so he merely went with an ironic chuckle): In Vitro Fertilization. However, there is an effect of sexual intercourse with a male of which you are probably not aware. it can make a certain organ between your legs grow unseemingly large.

Sen. Cruz: You know, you do walk funny, Sen. Blackburn.

Sen. Blackburn (now screeching): I do not!! My “organs” are normal!!

Sen. Cruz: That’s what you would say if you were lying.

Whereupon Sen. Blackburn, in the Incandescent Red Phase of being pissed off, hopped on the committee table, ripped off her skirt and panties and wowed the entire committee.

Sen. Cornyn: I don’t want to be pushy, but can you take off your top too? They might be fake.

Sen. Blackburn (ripping off her blouse and bra and crying miserably): THEY ARE NOT FAKE!!

Sen. Rick Scott: Now we are getting somewhere, turn around for Daddy?

Sen. Blackburn runs sobbing from the room, unfortunately without her clothes, thus scaring the hell out of an Evangelical Preacher and his teenage male Bible study group touring the Capitol.

Evangelical Preacher: And that, boys, is a transsexual. Jimmy, put your camera down.

Sen. Blackburn screaming hysterically: I AM NOT A TRANSSEXUAL!!!