Women Only

The story of Candice the Ghost goes something like this.Candice was a little girl who came from a single parent home. Because of her mom's occupation, she had to move quite often and never had the chance to meet any close friends. Candice was lonely most of the time. Her mother never had time for her because she always had to work. Her favorite place to play was her tree house. In there she could entertain herself for hours at a time.One unfortunate day, she was climbing her tree house and fell. Without any supervision, Candice lie there for hours facing the bright sun and eventually died. Her last memory on earth was this vision of a silhouette of a crow circling around her. Upon her death, Candice was sent to meet the king of hell, Yen Luo Wang. The emperor of hell sensed something unique in Candice and after careful calculation sent her back to our world as a ghost. At first Candice was very sad. Without her mother and no one around her, she was desperate. Her depression soon turned into anger as she started resenting the human race. Why should these people be having so much fun while she could only watch. She soon found a cruel joy in scaring off people.After a while curiosity lead her to start observing the human race for the first time. This is something she could never have done when she were part of the living. She noticed the love and ...

I have a lady that lives across the street from me RIGHT NOW and has been without water for months now and when I call and report the child living in filth there, they just told me that it is not illegal for her to not have water.This lady has her live in boyfriend take 5 gallon buckets of water from my house and my neighbors while we are at work during the daytime and my son was home from school one day and seen him walking up my drive way to steal my water. I called the city and had all the water lines leading to the outside of my house shut off completely. Child Protective Services has been to this womans house quite frequently and they keep the 2 year old in the home. She goes around the neighborhood begging for money to buy the child diapers but use the money for drugs so myself and the neighbors stop giving her help. CPS is a BIG JOKE!!! They dont care until it is too late or the family makes the news. I also received a $400 water bill that verified they had been stealing my water!

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.''Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records.A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' ...

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.  I'm invisible.  The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?  Can you tie this?  Can you open this?  Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?"  I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."  I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!      One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England.  Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.  It was ...

Words Women Use: 1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when          they are right and you need to shut up. 2.) Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed, this means half         an hour.  Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just          been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping         around the house.3)  Nothing:  This is the calm before the storm.  This means        something and you should be on your toes.  Arguments that begin        with Nothing usually end in Fine.  (Refer back to #1 for the        meaning of Fine.)4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.  Don't do it!5.) Loud Sigh:  This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal        statement often misunderstood by men. A  loud sigh means she        thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her         time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer        back to #3  for the meaning of Nothing.)6.) That's Okay:  This is one of  the most dangerous statements       a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to        think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay       for your mistake.7.) Thanks:  A woman is thanking you -- do not question, or faint.       Just say you're welcome. 8.) Whatever:  Is a women's way of  saying F@!K YOU!9.) Don't worry about it, I got  it:  Another dangerous       statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a        man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will       later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's       response to be Nothing. ...

we are fighting with the women that i realy love she says that i dont give her enough time,but if i try to give her time she makes some bad mistakes that she doent want us to took about,i dont now now what to do .i realy want to save this relationship help me .i am Sizwe mthembu an the name of my women is Nombuso Mfeka.please help me .how can i make her happy again?

Does anyone remember those barrettes from when you were little. They were plastic and came in many colors. I want to know where to buy them now!!!

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?" Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion2. It chatters constantly at high speeds3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it."Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men ...

One evening last week my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."I said "WHAT?! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't ...

A dog can be a devoted and loyal friend waiting anxiously for you to return home, never too busy to give you its full attention and always ready to play. It wishes for nothing other than your affections and good will. But then one day it encounters a group of other dogs in the park. Your devoted friend charges off, totally forgetting that you even exist on earth. You feel deserted and abandoned. Suddenly your dedicated companion is urinating everywhere, defecating, and sniffing other dogs' butts while running madly about, raising hell and behaving like...yes...a dog. You had forgotten it was, after all, a dog! You were lulled into a comfortable relationship with something which you allowed yourself to perceive as other than what it really is! A lot of guys make the same mistake with women. This oversight grows to disastrous proportons when applied to the marriage program currently being sold in our country.